The humorous poem below was one that I entered in a UK poetry competition with the theme "Portraits".
Unsurprisingly, it didn't win but it was published and that's always pleasing.
Most people are familiar with the Oscar Wilde story A Picture of Dorian Gray, where the dissolute Mr Gray commissions a portrait of himself that has magical qualities: the face in the picture ages while Dorian himself, despite a degenerate life, retains his youthful appearance.
E L James's novel Fifty Shades of Grey was enjoying a great deal of attention at the time I wrote this and I thought it amusing to play with the title.
FIFTY SHADES OF DORIAN GRAY
I’ve told him time and time again,
it must be fifty times at least,
that portrait I produced and signed
is meant to age. He’s not resigned,
in fact, he thinks he has been fleeced
and threatens me with legal men.
I tell him: Listen, Mister Gray,
the portrait ages, but not you.
Look at your fine, unwrinkled face
and as for grey hair, not a trace.
So he cheers up and doesn’t sue.
He’ll keep it then. Might even pay.
Click here to listen to Grey, composed by Karl Jenkins and featured in his composition, Requiem (2005)